How to shift the body image talk
Apr 12, 2022
I was in a body image workshop recently on Zoom and someone I had never met before decided to send me a direct message and comment on my body. The exact words were “You look so skinny on zoom!!!!”
I saw this DM and immediately froze. My heart dropped into my stomach and my first thoughts were “What does that mean?? Is that a good thing? Does she think I shouldn’t be here? SHOULD I be here?”
I was going to ask her what she meant, but I decided to ignore it and pretend like I didn’t see. I was too self-conscious to say anything.
Body image is informed by a variety of factors including our personal history and cultural ideals, many of which are unrealistic. We are programmed by the messages we’ve heard from others over our lifetimes, whether that’s our friends, parents, grandparents and other family members, magazines, the news, movies and TV shows, and social media.
I can remember my programming as a child. I’d watch my mom go on diets, look at herself in the mirror disapprovingly, and talk about how her clothes don’t fit. I’d read magazines with photoshopped pictures and headlines that read “Lose 20 lbs in 20 days!” or “Do this workout every day for 21 days for your summer body.”
What really sticks out to me though is going to my doctor for my yearly physicals, being shown the BMI chart, and told I was in the top 10% for my height and I should probably watch that.
Amazing, isn’t it?? I have to pause and express gratitude for how far I’ve come. I’m so happy that I’m my own health advocate, that I trust my body, and that I feel very comfortable with my health these days.
It wasn’t always like that though. As someone who struggled with body image issues for years, it’s a topic that lives really close to my heart. And I felt my old reactions coming up the other day when I was in that workshop and received that DM.
The thing that bothers me the most about it, other than the irony that we were in a body image workshop and she decided to comment on my body, is this:
She doesn’t know what goes on in my head. She doesn’t know how I feel in my body. She probably doesn’t understand the struggles I’ve had with body image that came about from years of suffering from IBS and unbearable bloat and abdominal pain.
The thing is, you never know what someone else is thinking or going through. For some people, they lose weight as a side effect of their depression (this has happened to me). Or they struggle to put on weight no matter how much they eat due to a number of different reasons including some serious chronic and life-threatening diseases. And others out there have symptoms that take over their minds and end up feeling defined by them (this also happened to me).
If you want to build a world where people feel safe to accept and love their bodies, and a world where health looks differently on every body, then you have to start being cognizant about the language you use to talk about bodies.
And that’s why I’m writing this. I feel it’s a topic that needs to be addressed, because quite frankly, I think the majority of us here in this country and all over the world are tired of it. I know I’m tired.
I’m tired of the unrealistic beauty standards; the photoshopped “bikini bodies”; the self-conscious women (and men) running to get plastic surgeries; the filtering on social media; the way people talk about themselves, and even the way people talk about others.
I’m tired of the superficial. We are more than our bodies alone.
Body image is defined by National Eating Disorders as “the way you see yourself when you look in a mirror or when you picture yourself in your mind.” The key words I want to highlight in this definition are the last 3: “in your mind.”
Body image lives in your mind, not in your body.
So how can you start to build a better relationship with your body?
- Notice how you speak about bodies. Do you use words like “skinny” “thin” or “fat”? What do those words mean to you? And is that meaning true, or is it just your opinion? (For example, does skinny mean healthy to you? Is that always true?)
- Define what healthy means to you. Is it a feeling or a look? If it’s a look, I challenge you to go deeper.
- Replace discouraging thoughts with supportive ones. For example, I was never a big fan of my legs. But they have allowed me to play soccer my whole life, dance, travel the world, hike up mountains in different countries, and exercise, all of which makes me feel so fulfilled and at peace. And for that, I am so grateful!!
My last point deserves a paragraph on its own: Think before you speak. You don’t know what someone else is going through. This is especially important if you don’t know the person. Even if it’s a compliment you’re trying to give, think before you speak. Is the compliment directed at the person’s body or their energy?
Try things like:
“You’re glowing!”
“You seem happy!”
“I love your energy!”
“You look so healthy!”
Negative body image is a real thing and it can be hard for those who struggle with it to get past the perception in their minds and actually see themselves for who they are. Let’s create a world where healthy looks different on every body, where we focus on how we feel, and where we are grateful for what our bodies can do for us. It takes some reflecting, but together we can make real changes.
I hope this was helpful. If you struggle with your body image, know that you are not alone. Please reach out to me or someone you trust for help - there are resources out there that can help you!
Here is a great article from Good Therapy that outlines just a few of the resources out there:
#bodyimage #bodydysmorphia #mentalhealth #eatingdisorders
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