How to beat all or nothing thinking
Jun 05, 2023
When it comes to health, it’s common to find ourselves stuck in the trenches of all-or-nothing thinking. The amount of times I hear things like “I’m too lazy” “I don’t have time” “It’s too much work” is far too often.
I’ve been there before and understand how much we internalize the belief that we must strictly adhere to a rigorous diet and exercise regimen, or we’re doomed for failure. It makes sense to think those thoughts if this is the belief that we’re operating from.
However it’s exactly that black-or-white mentality that creates the harmful cycles of extreme behaviors we often find ourselves in. These extremes are what lead to burnout, frustration, and ultimately giving up altogether.
Life is rarely, if ever, black-or-white, though. It’s more of a rainbow where all colors exist at once.
Success or failure. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Perfection or worthlessness. This binary approach fails to recognize the nuances and complexities that shape our existence. What if you could shift away from this simplistic thinking and embrace a more balanced approach to health and wellness that fosters long-term success, and discover the beauty that lies in the rainbow?
1. Recognize the all-or-nothing mentality.
You must first recognize that you’re stuck in the all-or-nothing trap before you can begin to change. It’s that voice in your head that tells you you’re either all-in, or not at all. You’re either on a strict diet or over indulging. You’re not missing a single workout, or you’ve failed entirely. This kind of thinking leaves no room for flexibility or enjoyment, and can keep you stuck and unbalanced. Start by noticing if and when these thoughts pop up.
2. Separate those thoughts from the facts.
So often we attach ourselves to our thoughts, believing them to be reality, when actually, they are only YOUR reality. They are not always based on fact. So I challenge you to separate your thoughts from the facts. Even further, separate yourself from the thoughts. You do not have to manifest them into existence.
Let’s say you have the thought “I gave into the cookies today. I blew it. I have to start over again on Monday.”
Facts: You ate some cookies.
Thoughts: I blew it. I have to start over again.
Just because you ate some cookies does not mean that you blew it and have to start over again. Separate the facts from the thoughts, and then change the meaning that you assign to the facts.
Did you really blow it, or did you simply enjoy a cookie? Do you need to actually start over again, or is there some progress from the previous few days that you can recognize? What if your next meal was what you had originally planned for instead of overindulging because you had a cookie when you didn’t plan to?
3. Embrace moderation and flexibility.
Allowing yourself occasional treats or rest days does not derail your progress, it actually enhances it. Your body needs both high and low calorie food. It needs fat and carbs just as much as it needs protein. It needs sleep and rest in order to rebuild, restore, and regenerate.
By letting go of perfection and embracing moderation and flexibility, you are creating space for a healthier, more realistic, and long-term approach to health and wellness.
4. Set small and achievable goals.
All it takes is 5 minutes per day to get started doing something nourishing for your health. Things like sitting down to eat without distraction, creating a gratitude practice, going to bed a little earlier, packing an on-the-go lunch, or taking a quick walk can have a profound impact on your wellness.There are so many options out there that you can start doing right away in just 5 minutes! By showing up for yourself for just 5 minutes, you will start to build confidence in yourself and trust that you can do all of these things.
Take your larger goals and break them down into things that are smaller and more realistic. If you want to workout 5 days per week and right now you’re not doing anything, starting with 1 day is probably more doable right now. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself. A gradual approach fosters a sense of accomplishment and keeps motivation alive.
5. Practice self-compassion.
This is probably the most important step, in my opinion, because what we say to ourselves has an immense impact on how we show up in our lives.
If you tell yourself “I ate a few cookies and completely blew it”, what will your next action look like?
If you instead say “I ate a few cookies because they smelled delicious, I haven’t had them in a while, and that’s okay”, what might happen instead?
Instead of criticizing yourself for perceived failure, try treating yourself with kindness and understanding. Progress towards health isn’t linear, just like any other goal we work towards in life. You wouldn’t tell a baby learning how to walk that they totally blew it and to start again on Monday every single time they fell down. You’d encourage them to get up and keep going. And you can do the same thing for yourself - just keep going.
Look for the rainbow.
Remember that health is not defined by a single action or moment in time. There is no restrictive, black-or-white approach that fits the equation perfectly. Rather, it’s a rainbow of choices and consistent efforts we make each day over longer periods of time.
Shifting away from all-or-nothing thinking is a transformative process that takes time and patience. By embracing balance, moderation, and self-compassion, you can create a sustainable and enjoyable approach to health.
Look for the rainbow and enjoy the process. Progress beats perfection every time.
You’re not alone if you struggle with this mentality. This is something I help my 1:1 clients with more often than not. Reach out for support if you’d like to work on this together.
Author
